Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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