how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
