I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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