taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
