We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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