Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
