The maid of honor just puked.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
