We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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