Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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