is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize