Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
