ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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