I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
