Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
bring money and cleavage
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
