dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
