I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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