I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bring me that man meat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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