It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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