i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
