Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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