I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
