omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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