Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
