when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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