PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
