You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
