i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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