we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
