the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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