Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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