chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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