You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
