you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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