I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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