Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm passing your future prison.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
