Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
