I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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