Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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