There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
