Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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