Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
