I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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