drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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