Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
