it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
