Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
