Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize