So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
