What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
