hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
