obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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