So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
