8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
