where am i from again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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