Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
