You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
