i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
