I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
