I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
