I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
