The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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