I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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