Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
