Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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