Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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