tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
