first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
