a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
